what is life without expectation?
what is life without comparison n relativity?
what is life without sensitivity and consideration?
what is life without effort?
what is life without action just words or visa versa?
A better life? A happier life? A more carefree life? A less worried life? A less burdensome life?
So what do we live for?
There is never the right mixture or right dosage of ingredients to concoct a cocktail. All of us have our own belief and we put in our best in the way we think is the best way to prepare this cocktail. However to prepare the most delectable cocktail requires the 2 bartender to come together and be unequivocal about what they desire to be included in this ideal cocktail for both to enjoy. Spending too much time commenting and criticizing the other person’s preference and belief of what constitute the best ingredients may spell the downfall of the partnership and both will not be able to reach a consensus.
More effort could be put in search of what are the common ingredients and ideas rather than uncovering what are the differences. However being aware of the existence of differences is also important and subtle adjustments need to be made to ensure both feel valued and appreciated. Such subtle awareness is very important to ensure a lifelong partnership as no one likes to be taken for granted.
Exactly how subtle is subtle, exactly how much effort is consider sufficient, exactly how much adjustment is necessary no one has a common definition. Sometimes we will feel frustrated why the other party does not get the idea or why the other party is not putting adequate effort to maintain the partnership. There is really no answer to what is the right amount of effort. It is just a matter of both agreeing and being able to accept what the other person can deliver. So if anyone is not able to accept what they are receiving or not receiving then perhaps the partnership is not meant to exist. The concoction of the love cocktail will fail to materialize…
Essence of a relationship is like doing something that you care about. For example some people like to play sports, some like to beautify themselves with spa and well-being packages and cars, etc. Likewise a relationship deserves and need that same kind of energy and commitment to build and deepen.
Everyone makes mistakes and it is even more important to understand your partner is only human and they will make mistakes unintentionally. Likewise, if you know it is a mistake yet you knowingly did it then that is a case of lack of respect and care for each other.
Effective communication is not about who is right or who win. It is about understanding each other’s needs and wants. Listening involves dedication and full attention to the partner’s words, as well as the tones and expression used. It is always easier to point out people’s mistakes but harder to accept criticism because no one wants to be wrong. Focus more on helping each other see each other’s perspective and avoid misunderstanding causing unnecessary arguments.
Expectations come hand in hand with relationship. It is unavoidable. Of course it is important to be understanding towards your partner’s words and actions but things should not go to the extent of trying to find excuses to cover up for mistakes. You deserve better with the amount of emotions you put in.
The seed of love requires caring water, patient sunlight and committed ecosystem to grow. In the face of storm and lightning, the understanding and communicative roots have to stand firm and deeply entrenched to weather the storm. The seed of love is the driving force of how the plant will grow and flourish. As the branches and roots extend, more qualities develop to enhance relationship wisdom and intelligence. The wisdom to give and take and acceptance of each other. The intelligence to decipher all the coded intent, actions and words that are often misunderstood in the initial seeding stage.
click on the music pause button if you have to wait for it to load ya 
Interestingly, today is the 8th leap year that I have experienced in my life so far 
and I did not really pay much attention to this date previously. However, I decided to mark today to be a little bit more memorable as I will be spending the first leap year with my special one, our first leap year together. The significance here for me will be the rare occurrence of the date, once every 4 years. And due to historical tradition, this date can also be associated with romance and touching moments. I already had this thought in mind during the day and after watching the movie The Leap Years, it really further reinforce my belief.
The movie had a predictable plot, a simple cast and nice soundtrack from Corrine May. However the selling points of this movie for me are really none of the things mentioned above but more of the heart-warming n touching scenes, sweet quotes n union and sad partings. The soul of this movie centered on this couple making a promise to meet on every Feb 29. A promise that sets the stage for heart piercing decision to be made, romantic n memorable stories to be told. I was first attracted to this movie by the background music of the movie trailer which never failed to bring a sparkle to my eye whenever and wherever I hear it. After doing some search, I discovered the music was actually composed by a Japanese musician; Ryuichi Sakamoto titled Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence. A simple story with underlying love messages for you to take away if you ponder long enough. A resolute mentality towards holding your own dream and courage to plunge into a dream believing that your true love is there waiting for you, just like the way you are waiting.
It was a night well spent with my dearest and looking forward to spending the next leap year with u
In this journey of growth and development, life form evolved from an individual unit to a pair to a group. Different stages of development calls for different set of skills to manage and the synergy between two different individuals often calls for quite a major shift/change in a variety of areas that are of concern.
When an area of conflict develops, there is always the potential for these differences to spread like a tumor. It may be a benign one or a malignant one but the way it is being treated is what matters. With sound treatment and tender care, most probably the remaining period spent together will be a blissful one even if the tumor is deemed to be a vicious one.
A blissful process of time spent together certainly matters more than a broken state of affairs at the end where the memories are painful vis-à-vis unforgettable sweet memories. Take things easy and focus on the good things in life perhaps could be a method to achieve a memorable finishing point.
The art of handling a relationship manifests itself in personalized forms and more then often new sparks and chemistry evolves when new connections are made. A lot of time and patience are needed for both to get use to each other’s mannerism and way of life. Progression of relationship also means new mysteries are uncovered and the cycle of getting used and accepting each other’s new discoveries repeats itself.
Certainly all of us have our own idiosyncratic ideologies and such ideologies manifest in the varied form of speech, way of looking at things and saying things, way of reacting and perception of things. And these differences may have multiple effects downstream. By attributing the differences to the other party’s peculiar behavior certainly will not help to improve the situation. By being not receptive and accepting to new discoveries also will not do any good.
Perhaps one of my 2008 resolution is to be more accepting towards new form of art..
Love is not all; it is not meat nor drink nor slumber nor a roof against the rain, nor yet a floating spar to men that sink, and rise and sink, and rise and sink again… With the divorce rate in Singapore hitting the roof last year, there will invariably be concerns over the changing mindset of our generation over the notion of love. Sumiko Tan delved into the realm of statistics and hormones to come up with an introspective article which will surely give everyone a little something to ponder:
Excerpts
The thing about love I’ve found (yes, even though I’ve not been married) is that familiarity does breed contempt or at least boredom, and you’ve really got to work to keep the feeling going.
Little things about your partner that were sweet in the beginning inevitably start to sour once you’ve past the love-sick stage.
Yes, it was cute how he was as exuberant as a puppy when you first met, but, goodness, isn’t he turning out to be loud and boorish now? And while her whining was endearing in the beginning, after years of it you just wish she’d shut up a bit.
Little annoyances can accumulate to make you explode. Lucky are the couples who can accept the irritating traits of their partners (no one is perfect after all, and neither are you) and continue loving them.
But for some, love has a use-by date, even if it was ‘true love’.
Just as friendship between platonic friends can outlive itself, so, too, can long-term romantic love.
I used to think that no matter how much a person disappoints you, it can be overcome if you just focus on the love and relationship.
But I’ve found that love can and does die, although die may be too melodramatic a word. It’s more a case of love fading, like the ink from the pages of an old diary, or the image in an aged photo.
It disappears for a variety of reasons.
The cause can be sensational such as when a partner does something that hurts and deceives you.
More often though, the reasons are prosaic, like over-familiarity, boredom and benign neglect. And with the first-stage lust long gone, the love is quickly spent and you just aren’t into each other anymore.
It’s very sad, and the greater tragedy if it is only one half of the couple who has lost the feeling.
Still, to have loved and lost - lost in the sense of losing that love you once held so dear in your heart, and lost as in losing your loved one to someone or something else - must surely be better than to have never loved at all…
By Sumiko Tan, Nov 18, 2007
Copy from Jace ‘n’ Place
Days of solitude passes by swiftly. Questions of why I am along this path never fail to pop up once in a while. Guess sometimes it baffles me as well. This pathway is not without its merit. It provides the opportunity to reflect more and ponder in greater depth of our past experiences and expectations placed on others. It also frees up more time to socialize and mingle with new friends and settling into a new environment. And all this activities will aid in understanding the true self within and seeking the true one out there.
In the process of realizing the real want, jittery small steps are taken every day. The notion of being held responsible for another person’s well being and future is not that daunting but it is the fear of failure to realize lifetime promises and as a result inject unhappiness and sadness into their life that forms the uneven bedrock of the ocean. The notion of always willing to try one’s best to make the other happy cannot be just a verbal settlement but a crystallize event not to be taken granted. The notion of accepting the other for whatever they were/are and their accompanying history and background should be in place to ensure a sound foundation. The notion of giving and taking in the event of clashes of ideas and actions play a massive role and is imperative all the time.
As we age, the linkage we place our own happiness with the surrounding atmosphere increase in importance. Establishing of linkage is no longer just a duet affair but involves a living community. Being with a person matures into knowing and accepting the person’s life and surrounding. This is certainly one topic that I am still trying to decipher and trying to grapple with what I can offer and accept overtime.
